AHHHHH - well, the week actually started off ok. On Sunday the weather was pretty nice and we went downtown to temple square after church. It was a gorgeous day and the kids all loved being out and running around.

Michael took this picture of John and I.

I also painted one of our bathrooms this week. It was REALLY bugging me. I have been wanting to paint in forever. I finally just did it and am so glad I did. So, there, a few positives things :)

As for John, he is actually feeling ok. Energy levels are slowly going up and we still walk most days and he eats pretty much everything now :) I think he has even gained like 2 pounds back.

This is just my bad time of year. I have a love/hate relationship with Mother's Day. 26 years ago my Mom passed away the day after Mothers Day when I was 11. So, that is never good. I just always have a hard time with Mother's day. 

Early this week my sister Blair went to Hawaii. Blair is single, has a good job and travels a lot. I was just super jealous of this one because she is on Oahu (my and John's home for 6 years). I miss it SO much. But, not a big deal. Then my sister Emily calls to tell me that she is flying out to join Blair. This is when I lost it. (Also, a sore point with me is that a few years ago Emily, Blair and Lauren all went to Hawaii and did not invite me and I was really hurt). So, here we go again. I am not mad at either of them, just mad.  For the first time, I really was mad at God and so jealous and LIFE IS NOT FAIR. How is it that my sisters are vacationing on Hawaii and I can't even pay by bills, feed my kids what they want and have a husband with cancer!!! It was a bad day.

So, the week moves on. John has to have a colonoscopy today. So he had to start "prepping" for it yesterday. It was AWFUL!! And I was not even the one going through it. Then Michael comes home from school saying he threw up at school. OH man, long night! John threw up some of his meds and had to start his prep all over, then he was literally running to the bathroom ALL night. Michael threw up 8 times last night (and about 8 more today - poor kids has not stopped). I have to get up with every sick kid every time because John can not be around them. So, I maybe got an hour of sleep last night. I am so exhausted.

John's colonoscopy went good. They took a few biopsies and will have the results in a few days. Although they are not worried about any thing. He is SO glad that is over. John and I have an appt next week with one of his Dr.'s to go over his donor transplant. I can not believe he is admitted in only 9 days. We are all super stressed and not excited about it.  I HATE this. Life is not fair.