Some Improvement

So so grateful to have some good news to report. We had some really really awful days. Some really scary days, and some real emotional days. John was pretty stagnant for a while. It was not fun at all. Every day his numbers just hung around the same place. After about 2 days he kind of got tired of "squeeze my hand if ..." That worked sometimes but not very often. For 2 days John and I just sat and cried. I know he wanted to tell me something and he couldn't. He would hear me talk to other people and I would say how hard this is and he would just cry. Every time I left he would cry. It was awful. I could tell his brain was starting to work a little better because he was responding through crying.

I seriously did not know if I could take it another day. I didn't know how to help John, I didn't know how to help myself. I couldn't eat or sleep. All I did was cry. I couldn't take care of my kids. I was beyond the end of my rope. I wanted to give up, but couldn't. But I couldn't function either. I was failing at everything I tried to do. I did not know what to do. Thursday our best friends from CA drove out. On Friday Erick and Johns brother Chris came and gave John a blessing. They asked if I wanted one and I said yes. John was pretty out of it and could not even thank them. It was his third blessing in less than 2 weeks. Every blessing said he was still needed on earth and The Lord had things for him to do. My blessings tell me to be patient.

Yesterday morning I was driving to the hospital. I am not an out loud prayer. But ever since John has been back in the hospital I usually pray out loud all the way to and from the hospital. Well, I cry most of the time. But I talk to God. Saturday morning was different. I pleaded with The Lord and prayed and prayed harder than I ever have my whole life. It was an amazing experience. I felt The Lord very close to me. I have felt very close to him these past 2 weeks and know he has been blessing me. But it was even stronger. I kind of told him I couldn't do it any more, my patience is gone and I knew he could help John. It is too personal for me to share more here. But I felt so much peace come over me.

I got to the hospital and was told John was feeling better and was talking. I had heard that a few times before and then when I come he is not like that. I walked in his room and he was pretty sleepy. But he said hi to me. But my prayer and many others had truly been answered. He was walking 100 times better and was able to talk to us all day. He even joked around.  He went on 2 walks with physical therapy. He could answer every question all day. I just kept crying. He was tired and he said it hurt his head to talk but he could do it. His brother Jeff stopped by to say Hi with his 2 boys and John just cried. It was a true blessing that we both really needed.

He is so so far from regular John. And no where near close to going home. But just to be able to communicate with him is a huge step. His liver function and ammonia took a good drop down yesterday which may have something to do with him being able to talk better. He said when he woke up yesterday morning he felt a million times better. I know we have a long road ahead of this but it will be much easier having John able to talk.

He was still about the same this morning, maybe a little better. He seems to have more energy late after noon and evenings. He does not sleep well at nights so he is pretty tired in the mornings. Later today the kids are coming by and he can't wait. I am grateful today for a loving and understanding Father in Heaven. I am so aware of his hand in all of this and His grace.