A fever

So, yesterday Isaiah (6 years old) came down with a fever of 102.  Not a huge deal, if we knew what John had. If he does have leukemia, he needs to do his best to avoid any infection or virus. So, I am trying to keep Isaiah and John apart. Not so easy. They both love each other :) And Isaiah does not understand WHY? We just told him that Dad isn't feeling well either and we don't want them to get each other sick.

I had John go out yesterday and buy a nice recliner rocker. He found a great one for under $300.00.  I was home with the kids and told him he could not lift it. His bones are weak from bone marrow abnormalities and he has already done something to at least 3 bones in his torso. Luckily Abby and Michael were able to help me and we got it in the house and in the bedroom and all set up. It is super comfy and John loves it. The hope was that if he slept in it, he would sleep better. That did not exactly happen. He tried to last night. It is comfortable, but John is just in constant pain under his ribs. My theory is it is his spleen. Which can swell and cause pain with leukemia. He does not  think that is it. Hopefully we will know soon. And hopefully a Dr. can give him something so he can sleep comfortably.

Yesterday John said he was not feeling well. I think he was over doing it. He got up to let me sleep in; he did chores and ran errands with the kids. Then took Michael out to lunch, then went to Target, Kohls and Big Lots. I just think he needs to take it easy. His body is not working right and I think he should slow down.

I am doing ok. It really depends on the moment. I am exhausted and not sleeping well because of anxiety. And I have lost 4 lbs this week (which is actually ok, but not if I keep losing that much every week). My stomach just hurts and I do not feel like eating much.

We are so ready for the appointment on Thursday. But, I don't think we will find out anything new. Pretty sure he will say John has lymphocytosis and they need to run a bunch of tests to figure out what is causing it. But, we are ready to move forward.

I think this is the waiting game

It would be so nice if we actually had real information. John spent a lot of the day yesterday on the phone with Cancer offices. He was referred to a Dr. but we would rather go to a Dr. that we know someone recommends. Jeff and Rachelle have an ex Bishop who has leukemia so we have his Dr.'s name. John was trying to get in to the Huntsman Cancer Center too.

He really liked the people at Huntsman. They were super nice and understanding. They even requested his blood work and had a Dr. look at them. That Dr. said John has lymphcytosis.  Basically that means, yes, his white blood cell count is high due to an infection of some sort. Most likely leukemia, but it could be many other things too. We now need to figure out the why!

We have an appointment with Dr. Frame on Thursday afternoon. Not sure how much more he will tell us.  Probably that we need to do more tests to figure out what is going on for sure. But he can at least read the results and we will see what he says. If John is diagnosed with any form on cancer, we will switch to the Huntsman. We can't go there until we are for sure what it is.

So, for now we still wait and pray and have faith.

Another day of waiting

I don't have a whole lot to add.  But it does help me to sit and get my feelings out. Actually the blood results are in. Dr. Hansen (who is simply an orthopedic Dr) called John.  He said he can not diagnose anything because that is not his job. But said the white blood cell count is really high and his pathology is abnormal. He is referring us to an oncologist and he will send John's records over to them. The fact that he is sending us to an oncologist tells us he has cancer. From our research we are still pretty certain it is leukemia. He has an appointment with an oncologist but it is 11 days away!!!!! TORTURE!!!!!!

John is still looking for another great oncologist that could get us in next week so we can get moving with this. I keep looking to the future and wondering what it will bring. My biggest concern is finances. We are fine as long as John can work and we can keep our health insurance. We do now someone else with leukemia who takes chemo pills and in 3 years has only missed a few days of work. We are hoping John can follow in that category.

We have not told our kids yet. We are wanting to wait until we have more information to tell them.  It is so hard to try and remain normal for them. All I want to do is cry. John and I did have priesthood blessings. They were very comforting and we are grateful for that. I was told that the Lord has prepared me for this. I am trying to be strong for John and the kids.  But, honestly am having a hard time. I constantly feel like I want to throw up, so as a result I am eating very little. It takes me forever to fall asleep every night and I only get a few hours of sleep. John is very uncomfortable with his ribs hurting so he tosses and turns all night.

I am so glad to have family near by and to have the support we do.

Our lives are changing

Yesterday was a day that has changed our lives. About 6 weeks ago, John was raking and pulled a muscle (or possibly cracked a rib). It started to heal after a few weeks and was almost better. Then, one morning woke up with a very sore left pectoral muscle (as far as he could tell, that’s what it was). Then about a week after that, he was doing a push up and heard a pop and hurt his left shoulder somehow.  THEN, a week ago he was holding his nephew Calvin and went to lay him down and hurt his left rib. It all kind of became comical at how often he was getting hurt.

His shoulder pain was bad so he went to the Dr. for that.  2 Dr.s, including one bone specialist could not figure out what it was. So, an MRI was ordered for him. He was so not excited about that and it was starting to feel better. He went in for the MRI anyways. He really did not want to pay another specialist co-pay so he called to cancel his follow up appointment and asked to have the Dr. call his with the results. Dr. Hansen called him and said he was not sure about the shoulder, he could not tell from the MRI. But, they did see lots of irregular bone marrow in all of his bones they could see on the MRI. He ordered another MRI to be done and blood work.

That phone call came yesterday. This morning John went in and had the blood work done, we will have the results by Friday. A few months ago he had his physical and his blood work was real messed up, his white blood cell count was WAY high. The Dr. said it was most likely because of stress and we had just moved. 

First thing the Dr wants to do is rule out lymphoma. That is worst case. If he has lymphoma, that means he has cancer that started in lymph nodes, spread to organs and finally to bone marrow. He would have stage 4 cancer and not much can be done. He does not have any of the signs of lymphoma other than irregular bone marrow. So, we are praying that is not what it is. Good chance he has leukemia. Not sure if the blood work will tell us that or not. I HATE the waiting game. I don’t think there really is a “good” situation. No matter what the results show, they will be bad.

I have had every emotion possible in the past 30 hours and probably cried more than I ever have my whole life. Worst part is that we don’t even know what it is yet!!!! All I know is that we are in for some trials. I wish we knew, so we know what is next. It may be a week or longer until we know more. 

I really don’t feel like it is time for John to return to his Heavenly Father. But, every one probably says that. I NEVER thought this would be something I would face again in my life. I lost my Dad and my Grandma and 2 Grandpa's to cancer and it will not take my husband!