Frustration

The past few days have been pretty uneventful. I feel like I am in the movie "Groundhogs Day". My days are so similar.

• Get up at 6:30 am, help Abby get reday for school.
• 7:15 - wake up the other 4 kids
• 7: 45 - breakfast, chores and fix the girls hair.
• 8:00 - start laundry and clean up breakfast
• 8:20 - kids to school - my sisters have been taking them so I can get ready.
• 9:00 - leave for the hospital
• 9:30 - 5:30 - hang out with John in his room, try to take him on 3 walks, play a game or two, watch a movie (maybe), watch a few episodes of "Lost", try and eat. Work on paperwork for health insurance . . .
• Home by 6 pm, eat dinner,
• 7:00 - have kids call John, scriptures study and get kids in bed.
• 8:00 - do some cleaning and get into bed.

Even though my days seem to go in circles, for John it is even worse. His blood counts are all where they are supposed to be - totally good enough to be home. But he is going in a circle of not eating, slowly adding sips, then liquids, then soft food - then throwing up again. Every time he throws up he has to wait and go 24 hours with our puking before starting the cycle over. He also has had constant diarhhea for the past 2 weeks that has not gotten better. But until those 2 issues are solved he can not go home. He is super frustrated. He is on constant nausea meds and they don't seem to help. It seems like his drinks and food are not making their way into the intestines. They sit in his stomach until he pukes and that is why all he has in diarhhea too. Liquids and food are not making their way through. His body has been through a lot these past few weeks and his body is now trying to recover. It just takes time and he is so frustrated. In reality no one has left this hospital after an auto transplant before 18 days in the hospital. Today is Johns 17th day. It is typically 3-4 weeks. So, it isn't like he "should" be home by now. We are all just tired of him being here and he wants to be home.

He has had a few good days this week and every day he seems to have a period of time where he feels pretty good. Today he has been very blah and frustrated. He was hoping to be going home this weekend and that is not happening.

CANCER SUCKS!!!

It is interesting for me coming and going from the hospital each day. I see the same cars in the parking lot, I see the same caregivers and loved ones on this floor, same patinets when we go on walks, I even predicted who would be John's nurse the other day. Yesterday we were on a walk and saw a young mom patient, holding her daughters hand (maybe around 2), walking with Grandpa. It broke my heart to see this little one with her Mom here in the hospital. I could not do it. I would make my kids come sleep in my room every night. I could not be away from them like this. It is all so so frustrating.

One of these days John will get home. Abigail is in her schools musical and it is next week. I told John I bought him a ticket for Friday night and that is his goal to be home by then. Still one week away :)