Why John has cacner

I had a neat experience yesterday on my way to the hospital. For some of you reading this, this experience may make sense, for others it may not. But it was very real to me and this is my personal journal and I wanted to get it down.

I was driving to the hospital thinking about "why John?". It should be me. My dad died from cancer and I have 4 grandparents who have had cancer. It runs in my blood and I have a much higher chance of getting it - not John. The only cancer in his family is from his father and he had lung cancer because he smoked a TON. I was also thinking about how HARD it would be for me. I could not stand to be away from my kids and home this long. I would just sit her and cry - I couldn't do it.

So I was just driving and wondering why he has it and not me. Then it was almost like I had a memory from the pre-existence. It wasn't a dream or vision or voice or anything, kind of hard to explain. Just a feeling/memory. I was supposed to have cancer. It is supposed to be me. But before we came to earth we knew what some of our trails would be. I agreed to cancer. But John knew how hard it would be on me. So he asked if he could have it instead. And God said yes. I believe it was one of John and my first "tests".  He is going through this for me. And although I said it was supposed to be me; it was supposed to be him. Because God knew John would ask for it.

I would not be able to do what he is doing. I can be the caregiver, but I could not be the patient and only see my kids a few hours a week, and not know how they are, and not be grocery shopping and cleaning. I couldn't do it. I need to be with my kids and taking care of my house. I could not stay in a hospital room ALL day for 3 - 4 weeks! I just couldn't do it. And even before we came here, John knew that about me and he took that trial from me. I love him forever!