Jealous . . .

I warned you all this would also be my journal for personal feelings :) Here is one of those posts!

Since John first went in to the hospital 11 days ago, he has only been home for 2 1/2 days. I really hope this is not a trend. (although the hospital is great and he has had fabulous care). I just find myself really jealous. I walk through Walmart and look at these people shopping and think to myself "what is your biggest concern right now"? "I bet you don't have 5 kids under 13 (4 of whom have enough issues from spending years in foster care), I bet your husband is healthy and working, I bet you aren't juggling 3 school schedules, church activities, putting kids to bed by yourself every night, and spending every minute possible at the hospital with your husband who is fighting cancer". I get on facebook and get so frustrated with people who are complaining. REALLY - that is your biggest concern right now??

I know it really isn't fair of me to think these things. Every one has hard times in life and people have worse things going on in their life than I do. And every one has a right to complain about whatever they want to on facebook! I do know that - and it's ok. I just have moments that I am so overwhelmed and literally take it one minute at a time.

I am SO SO SO grateful for everything so many people are doing for us. I am grateful for a friend who thought to film Michael getting his Arrow of Light at Pack meeting last night so John could see it (and as I completely lose it on stage balling). I am grateful for every single dinner and every time someone stops by just to say HI, I am grateful for every single hug, I am grateful for a Bishopric that has taken over so many things for Jenna's baptism tomorrow, I am so grateful to have family near by, I am grateful for a friend who mowed my lawn, I am grateful for every single card we have gotten in the mail and especially grateful for the fasting and prayers for our family. Every one is so helpful and supportive and I do not know how I could do this with out each of you in my life.

Some times, it is just plain HARD!